discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
