I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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