the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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