Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
