my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
