I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize