There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
