Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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