I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
