Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
