grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
