That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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