I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
