If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
