Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
