if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
