Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
