ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
