I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
