I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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