Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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