kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Congratulations! We have a period
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