i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just threw up on my dentist
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
