is your mom at the bar?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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