Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
