Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
