I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
