My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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