Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
