Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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