forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
