I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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