You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
