I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize