if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
