You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
