I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
