it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
