I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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