she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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