it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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