The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
