i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
