Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
