So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
