i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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