Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
