I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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