i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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