Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
