I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
