You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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