K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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