I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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