I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
