The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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