never play flip cup with pint glasses
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
