do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
