we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
