if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
