Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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