Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
