So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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