I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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