she looked like the before picture.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
