im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
