I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
