oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize