so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
