Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
