Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
