It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
