It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
