i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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