I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
