nut hugger
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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