I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
