I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
