pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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