____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
