Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
