Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
