every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
