you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
