i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The chlamydia really affected his face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize