please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
