your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
