Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
