My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
