Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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