He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
