omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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