a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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