Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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