One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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