Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
