my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
