Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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