'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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