I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
