is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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