he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
